The pizza, TV show & water park of your sex life

Here is the first text in a series of 3 articles on your sex life illustrated in the form of three metaphors. We’re going to start with “The Sex Pizza” and then move on to “The Erotic TV Show” and finally slide into the “Water Park of Your Sex Life”.

 

 

SEDUCTION OR THE ART OF MAKING A PIZZA

 

We all hear about seduction. Here and there, we convey the benefits of seduction on a couple, the tips to know how to keep the flame alive or even the difficulties encountered at the different stages of the couple’s life. With so much information on seduction, shouldn’t we be experts in it?! Well, no! We still have a lot to learn. For example, even if you know how to cook your meals well, day after day, it is still possible not to succeed as usual or to have to go back to your books. What do you say?

 

Let’s briefly compare seduction to pizza. It’s quite easy to make a small pizza, whether you know a lot about cooking or not. You can make a quick pizza with the ingredients in front of you. You can also try a brand new recipe! Sometimes you realize that it was worth it, but at other times, you will add small changes. You can take your time to cook a pizza, add an atmosphere to it and select ingredients that are out of the routine. In any case, whether you like it or not, if you don’t want pizza at first, the idea of eating one with all that it entails to cook it will be untempting. What if this was also seduction?

 

—You didn’t start riding a bike by doing “Wheelies”. In the beginning, you had four wheels and probably screwed up a couple of times before you found your two-wheeled balance. Give yourself time and learn to live with failure—–

 

 

One thing is certain, we are never experts in seduction. We always have to learn, innovate and get out of our comfort zone. Of course, the daily rhythm brings its share of complexities to get there. And what about the impact of routine! Do you feel like you’re going around in circles with your partner or treading water? Where are you in your pizza creation? Do you want to? How do you set the table on your side? How do you sell your salad that, “tonight”, it will be a very good pizza?

I always miss my sex pizza!

It may be that seduction is not really your business. You’ve always been uncomfortable and clumsy. Maybe you were “spoiling” a lot before and now your techniques don’t work anymore. Precisely, this is the problem. You may have seduced your better half or attracted her with your simple pizza: cheese, sauce and dough! Maybe it’s time to innovate, or even risk a new recipe. You shouldn’t become a killjoy if the first attempt doesn’t work. You didn’t start cycling by doing “Wheelies”. You had four wheels at the beginning and probably messed up a couple of times before you found your two-wheeled balance. Give yourself time and learn to live with failure!

Poor quality of ingredients, poor sexuality!

You think it would be obvious, but in therapy, I regularly meet clients who are looking to have a good regular sexuality without there being any seduction. Well, it’s a bit the fault of sexologists to have said that sexuality is natural for years. Small communication problem here. What we mean by natural is that sexuality is not bad (a sin). Many people have understood that it is therefore easy and spontaneous. ERROR! Sex takes effort.

 

A pizza with no crust or no cheese… Is it really a “pizz”?

If you forget an ingredient as essential as the rind or cheese, it’s a bit normal that you’re disappointed with the result. It’s the same thing for your sex life when it comes to seduction. No pizza dough, no sex! It’s simple, but how difficult it is to put it into practice as a couple. Why do you have to put so much effort into having sex with your partner? Well! Cause that’s life! Desire works like that. You can fight against the system or accept it. Know that many people have gone before you and don’t seduce… It rarely gives good results.

 

 

If you forget to start the oven (don’t seduce or initiate) or you set the temperature too high (initiate sex, but without seduce), it probably won’t be as delicious. Let’s talk about temperature. If you go too fast, grope a breast or put your hand in her panties as a first “move”, it’s the equivalent of putting your pizza in BROIL. If you cook your pizza at 200 Celsius for 5 hours and you never raise the temperature, by the time it’s cooked you’re hungry! The seduction is done in crescendo to build a tension and sexual atmosphere that intensifies.

 

If your ingredients have expired… You’re starting to understand the principle, I guess. So, we remember:

 

  1. You have to seduce to have a GOOD sex life.
  2. Your “crust, cheese and sauce” pizza. You have to start adding other ingredients.
  3. You are uncomfortable or incompetent in seduction. Read books, watch videos, start therapy, work on your self-esteem and your sense of desirability.
  4. “I think I’m going to go make myself a pizza! Honey, where are you?”

 

Now, let’s talk about your erotic TV show: What happens during this 22 minutes without commercial breaks?

 

 


Sexologist Montreal

François Renaud M.A.

Sexologist Psychotherapist Montreal

Specialized in couples therapy

About the Author