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Everything you want to know about the rates, the course of the sessions, the choice of a sexologist and the problems we support in the clinic.
This page brings together the most frequently asked questions by our customers and readers. The first concerns the functioning of the clinic. The second part brings together the answers given over time to concrete questions about sexuality, sent by our readers.
The sessions can vary in price between $80 and $160 depending on the professionals and the duration of the service. Services are exempt from taxes.
Intern offering Clinical Master’s Psychotherapy: $80/50 minutes
Sexologist offering individual or couple counselling: $115/50 minutes or $150/65minutes
Sexologist psychotherapist offering couple or individual psychotherapy: $115-130/50 minutes
Sexologist psychologist offering couple or individual psychotherapy: $160/50 minutes
It is possible to pay with the following methods:
The number of sessions of your therapy is determined by several factors, including:
Generally, a process takes between 15 and 20 sessions. It may be less or longer depending on the criteria mentioned above.
It is important to choose the right sexologist according to their ease, the sexologist’s approach and their respective specialties. Every sexologist has a bachelor’s degree in sexology while sexologists and psychotherapists have a master’s degree in clinical sexology. Some have a bachelor’s degree in other fields related to mental health. Sexologists offer counselling services and psychotherapists offer psychotherapy. Generally speaking, sexologists and psychotherapists all have the same ability to treat sexual disorders, but they may have more specific interests and training for certain difficulties. It is important to know the difference between counselling and psychotherapy to make a decision.
You can consult the list of our sexologists and psychotherapist sexologists to decide your preferences.
The short answer is that there is no difference in the training and competence of the students. We all receive the same training for the master’s degree in sexology, so the skills are equivalent apart from specialties and the deepening of each one for certain subjects.
The difference is rather for the client who consults.
Sometimes, the discomfort of consulting a male or female sexologist can be part of the difficulty that leads you to consult. A male or female sexologist will not understand your situation more or less because you are of the same sex or the situation concerns a particular gender.
It is important to be comfortable with your sexologist and psychotherapist and the gender of the latter can be part of the selection process.
It is rather rare that a single session can solve a sexual difficulty. The first sessions are used to assess the situation and determine the causes of the difficulty. Then, you discuss the next steps for the next sessions by establishing your expectations and objectives.
In some circumstances, the first session may provide information about sexuality and clarify misperceptions.
A psychologist and a sexologist psychotherapist both offer psychotherapy to their clients. What differs is rather the scope of practice and specialties of each person.
Psychologists are more specialized in mental health (e.g., depression, anxiety, personality disorders, etc.). They can also support people in relational, family and couple difficulties.
Sexologists and psychotherapists specialize more in romantic relationships and human sexuality. They do individual and couple therapy by exploring sexual relationships, but also the whole dynamics of the couple and the individual of the person. They also assess the client’s experience and evolution of sexuality through the client’s history of sexual experiences.
Only sexologists can do an evaluation of sexual disorders. While psychologists can assess and diagnose mental health disorders.
Each sexologist and psychotherapist in the clinic uses different approaches. By reading the profiles on our team’s page, you will be able to be informed of the different approaches of each.
Our clinic has a team of sexologists with a bachelor’s degree and sexologists, psychotherapists with a master’s degree in sexology.
Sexologists with a bachelor’s degree offer individual or couple counselling sessions , while sexologists and psychotherapists offer individual and couple psychotherapy.
We all have the same professional titles of sexologist. We are members of the Ordre Professionnel des Sexologues du Québec (OPSQ) and sexologists with a master’s degree hold a psychotherapist’s permit issued by the Ordre des Psychologues du Québec (OPQ).
The sexologists and psychotherapists have also all received the certificate to do the evaluation of sexual disorders issued by the OPSQ.
It depends on your respective insurance policy. You should check with your insurance company to find out what services and professionals your plan covers you for.
By law, psychologists and psychotherapists offer the same psychotherapy service in Quebec. If your insurance covers the psychotherapy service, the costs for the sessions will be reimbursed according to the specificity of your plan.
If your insurance covers psychologists, this may not be covered. Since the service is the same between these two professionals, some insurance companies show flexibility and they reimburse. Others only reimburse services provided by a specific professional. Ask your company for more information. The services of a sexologist without a psychotherapy license are very rarely covered. The Quebec Association of Sexologists is working hard to remedy the situation. It is still possible to deduct the amount as medical expenses from your taxes.
In all cases, the expenses are tax-deductible in medical expenses at the end of the year. So, keep your receipts!
Generally, psychotherapy is the most effective, preferably with regular weekly frequency. The more the therapy progresses, the frequency becomes more spaced out to give way to autonomy and individual exploration.
However, your financial means, your availability, your needs and your expectations can change this frequency.
You can discuss this with your sexologist psychotherapist to adapt to your needs during the first session.
The questions below were sent to us by readers. The answers are general clinical reformulations, and do not replace an individual consultation.
There can be several reasons for a decrease in desire or disgust towards sex with your partner. In fact, many people continue to have sex with their partners when they have no interest in it, both men and women. They sometimes do it out of marital duty, to silence their partner who is persistent in these requests or to avoid a conflict. What are the factors that lead you to continue having sex when you don’t feel the desire to do so?
It can be very difficult to discuss with your partner their lack of interest in the couple’s sex life. You may be afraid of disappointing him, hurting him, creating conflict, being subjected to violence, etc. In the event of one of these difficulties, it is first important to respect yourself. To do this, we can try to set our limits by refusing a sexual relationship with our partner if we don’t want to. How could you tell your partner? How do you anticipate the situation will unfold? Some partners reacted strongly to this refusal. He could become angry, sad, anxious, demoralized, etc. How do you plan to handle their reaction and the situation? What would be the reasons why you would not discuss it with him?
Avoiding discussion decreases interest in sexuality and consequently leads a person to hate having sex with their partner. We may even develop unpleasant emotions towards our partner who agrees to have sex that we do not want to have. What emotions do you have towards your partner regarding this situation? Some people feel shame, disgust, anger, sadness, contempt, etc.
Another element that comes into play is the loss of respect for your partner and yourself in the process. When we agree to have sex that we do not want, it becomes difficult to respect ourselves and our partner, which, in turn, decreases our sexual desire for him or her. How do you perceive your partner during sex? What do you think about during sexual activity? Do you think your partner feels your disinterest in sexuality? What does this mean for you and your relationship with it?
The sexual dynamics of your relationship are essential to evaluate. Specifically, what do you hate about sex with your partner? What changes would you make to your sex life? First of all, it is important to know these preferences on the sexual level. We can then discuss it with our partner. Sometimes, couples have differences of opinion about certain sexual positions, practices, or styles. What are your and your partner’s preferences?
Do you think you are able to have a discussion about your sexual practices with your partner? This type of conversation can create tension in the couple and lead to conflict. It is more reassuring to perceive this conflict as a way to improve our relationship and our sex life. These conflicts are never easy to manage and often require the help of a professional, such as a sexologist or couples therapist.
It is important to reflect on one’s own relationship with sexuality. The perception of sexual intercourse is different for everyone. It is then preferable to question your perception of sexuality and your sex life with your partner. Do you feel sexual desire for other people? Do you like sex outside of your relationship (masturbation, fantasies, etc.)? What is your perception of sexuality? Did you have the same difficulty with other sexual partners? If you think you have a poor perception of sexuality, it would be beneficial to consult a sexologist individually to better understand these feelings.
Hello to you! I have a big question! Is it possible that a 22-year-old man no longer wants to have sex or is it simply a sign that our relationship is the problem? We’ve been together for 4 years now, I’m pregnant with my 3rd baby and the problem has been going on for 3 years. But now it’s worse than worse. It’s been 2 months since there was any sex! Kisses barely, no hugs, no caresses. Should I put my feet around my neck?
There are various reasons for a decrease in sexual desire in one or both partners. Couple dynamics and relationship satisfaction can play a big role in a person’s sexual desire for their partner. It is also important to ask yourself questions about sexual satisfaction. What are your levels of couple and sexual satisfaction for both of you? Do you take the time to discuss your dissatisfactions? If so, how did you try to address it?
It is important to understand that in every couple, there is always a partner who has less sexual desire than the other (Low Desire Partner). Contrary to popular thought, there are as many men as women with less sexual desire. The behaviors, attitudes and reactions of the partner who more often wants to have sex (High Desire Partner) play a very important role in the sexual desire of his partner. Each of these roles in the couple comes with its share of difficulties. The LDP often feels sexually inadequate and feels like they are unable to meet the sexual need of the other. He or she may feel guilt, incomprehension, etc. The HDP feels powerless, frustrated and its self-esteem becomes affected. How do you manage/tolerate this difference between the two of you?
You mentioned that you are a mother of two children and a third will soon be with you. There is a certain adjustment that must occur for new parents who add a role of mother and father to their couple. Sometimes, the roles of men and women take up less space or even disappear. Some men may have difficulty eroticizing the new image of a mother that their partner embodies. In women, bodily changes due to pregnancy often have an impact on the perception of themselves in relation to their femininity. What impact do you think your new roles as a parent have had on your sex life as a couple?
In addition, the game of seduction is frequently forgotten in a couple after several years of dating. We often take our partner for granted and limit our involvement in seduction. The person with the most sexual desire will start to evaluate their spouse’s level of desire rather than stoking it. Do you take the time to seduce yourself? How do you go about seducing your partner? Do you spend time as a couple, without the kids?
Sexual desire disorders are a frequent and even normal stage in a long-term relationship. This is an opportunity to awaken and transform our sex life as a couple. On the other hand, it often requires you to get out of your comfort zone, to reveal yourself more and to be erotic. The help of a sexologist is often necessary due to the complexity of this difficulty.
Good evening sir, I just want to know the size of the ideal penis for example 15cm 18cm?
Penis size is something that many men are concerned about for a variety of reasons. Several societies and civilizations place a lot of importance on the size of the male genitalia. For men, it does not change the pleasure and sexual arousal that he may feel in his sexuality. For some men, the size of their penis will allow them to have more confidence in themselves and feel like a better lover. Men who consider themselves to have a smaller penis than others often have a lack of self-esteem that will negatively affect their appreciation of their sex life.
The size of the penis varies a lot from one man to another in its flaccid state (without erection). On the other hand, the majority of erect penises are 5 to 6 inches in size on average according to international studies. We can talk about a micro penis when its length is less than 4 inches. However, studies show that the majority of women are not concerned about the size of the penis. Some women attach importance to it due to previous experiences. In fact, some prefer a bigger penis for the feeling it provides during penetration or the sexual arousal she feels from looking at it. Others will prefer a smaller one because a larger penis can limit certain positions or can hurt. It all depends on individual personal preferences. Although penis size is important to some women, the vast majority put importance on other factors to assess their sexual satisfaction with their partner. For example, tenderness, confidence, variety, male presence, intimacy, sexual intensity, etc.
Hello, I have a quick question. Do most people prefer penetrative sex more or can a 69 be enough for them? Is the 69 seen more as a foreplay or can it be considered an act of complete relationship? Is a 69 a complete and satisfying relationship in a couple? I’ve been in a relationship for a short time and my new boyfriend thinks that all girls can be satisfied like this, according to his latest relationships. Hence my question.
In fact, sexual behaviors are varied and numerous among couples, whereas in popular thought, a sexual relationship is not complete without penetration and reaching an orgasm (more often in men). In the latter restrictive way of thinking, oral sex will be considered only as part of foreplay. If we take this definition, we consider that homosexuals and lesbians, paraplegics or any person who does not use penetration in their sexual repertoire do not have full sexual relations. What do you think? What is your definition of a sexual relationship?
Some people will define a complete sexual relationship by achieving an orgasm. Others, by the level of satisfaction achieved or by the quality of the emotional exchange. Each definition is valid in itself, as everyone has their own sexual preferences. The practice of oral sex will fully satisfy some people while others will seek the sensations felt during penetration. Our definition of a “complete” sexual relationship can also change from time to time: a couple may be completely satisfied with manual stimulation (masturbating their partner) one night, but still want to practice penetration the next time they have sex. So it’s hard to argue that everyone can be satisfied by just one type of sexual behavior. It is therefore important to vary these sexual practices from time to time in order to move away from the routine that tends to decrease sexual desire in many couples (read: Lack of sexual desire: a normal stage in couples).
Sometimes partners disagree on their definition of a “complete” sexual relationship. This will leave one of them unsatisfied, as their needs are not met during their sexual intercourse. In such a situation, a discussion between the partners is necessary so that everyone finds satisfaction. It is therefore important to remain open to what the other person brings to us and to clearly explain what we are looking for in sexuality (read: Lack of communication or difficulty tolerating intimacy?).
In short, the broader our perception of sexuality, the more we have the potential to flourish sexually. Limiting our definition of a “complete” sexual relationship leads to frustration, disappointment and dissatisfaction with our partner. Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones, explore new avenues and redefine our perceptions of sexuality in order to develop our sexual maturity.
I have a problem that makes me feel sad, please tell me. Does masturbation have a negative impact on my health? I’m an 18 year old girl and I’m so afraid that masturbation can make me infertile because I’ve heard that it causes several bad health effects too. Please help me, I’m so scared!
Masturbation is a sexual practice that can be practiced alone or in couples. It allows you to better know your body and the sensations it can cause. This practice also allows you to discover your sexual preferences, explore various ways to get sexually aroused and increase your pleasure. It also has physical health benefits; For example, it leads to relaxation, reduces muscle tension and provides relaxation after the act. What need do you meet when you masturbate?
There is no negative impact on the physical level when you masturbate and it does not affect fertility in any way. In fact, it’s even good to masturbate before, during, and after pregnancy. Several myths about masturbation circulate to discourage people from practicing it, often for moral or religious reasons. In addition, as mentioned above, masturbation also has various psychological benefits. Does that reassure you?
The definition of virginity is not only cultural, but also differs from person to person. For some people, it will be associated with the presence of the hymen (thin membrane at the entrance to the vagina). For others, this will not be the case since the hymen can tear before the first penetration with a partner. Among other things, by using a tampon, practicing sports such as cycling or horseback riding and then masturbation. In addition, the loss of virginity will be defined for some by the experience of a first sexual relationship. How do you perceive virginity? How important is it to you?
Is it possible to leave homosexuality and return to heterosexuality? I was drawn into homosexuality and I want to change. How can you help me? There’s a way to help me because you know habit dulls sensitivity or habit is second nature. How can I be attracted to the opposite sex again? Is there a cure?
There are a variety of hypotheses explaining homosexuality. Among other things, hormone levels, brain development, sexual experiences, or a person’s personal experience. Some explanations are biological, social and a mixture of these two approaches also exists. Several treatments and therapies have already been tried in the past and these have proven to be dangerous and do not really help the subjects. It is therefore not possible to treat sexual orientation, because it is not a disease. How do you live with this fact? What could help you accept it better?.
Since we don’t choose our sexual orientation, it can be difficult to accept it. This form of homophobia is generally influenced by personal values, cultural and family background, and religion. Especially since there are several myths about homosexuality that persist in reinforcing homophobia. What are your reasons for wanting to be heterosexual? How do you perceive each of the different sexual orientations? What attracts you more to heterosexuality than homosexuality? Therapy with a sexologist may then be necessary to overcome this difficulty and decide between influences.
The acceptance process is usually done in stages. There may be some variations from one individual to another, however, since each person will have a different personality, history and socio-cultural context. These stages include confusion, tolerance of one’s orientation, acceptance and then pride. Where do you stand in this process? Do you feel the need to be guided through it?
Hello, are you okay? I have a question, I wonder what is in the liquid when the woman ejaculates?
For several years, there has been a debate in the scientific community about the composition of female ejaculation. The latest research shows that the fluid comes from Skene’s glands, which are the equivalent of the prostate in men, and they are found between the vagina and the urethra. Moreover, the female ejaculatory fluid would also have the same composition as the fluid produced by the prostate in semen. On the other hand, since the exit of the woman’s ejaculatory fluid is very close to the urethra, it is also possible to find a tiny amount of urine. It is important to emphasize that urine is a sterile liquid and that female ejaculation contains only a few traces of it.
Suffering from vaginismus, I would like to know what is the most effective way to get rid of it. Having delved into my past my vaginismus would find its source in my childhood adolescence, I was touched by my older brother for a few years, I buried it in a corner of my head without thinking that it would one day prevent me from having sex.
Thank you for your invaluable help.
There are different ways to treat vaginismus (closing the walls of the entrance to the vagina that prevents penetration by fingers, penis, speculum, or sexual objects). Treatment depends on the cause and some can be combined to help the woman live her sexuality better. One of the main causes is having experienced sexual abuse. Following such an event, the body protects itself from future sexual experiences and prevents penetration. Sexual abuse will also have other impacts on women in terms of their perception of sexuality, their feelings towards men and women, their relationship with their femininity, their sexual fantasies and the relationship with their gendered bodies. Therapy with a sexologist may be necessary to unravel all these elements and live a fulfilling sexuality.
Therapies that focus on reclaiming one’s femininity through one’s body are particularly effective in regaining sexual pleasure with oneself and a partner and thus living better with sexual abuse. Exploratory activities to be carried out at home will often be proposed by the sexologist to learn to love your body, feel more like a woman and enjoy the different sensations that the body provides. These explorations allow women to better appreciate their sexuality by changing their perceptions of it. If the woman is in a relationship, activities with their partner may be integrated to experience a sexuality together.
It is also recommended for some women to follow specialized physiotherapy for this difficulty. They will use dilators of varying sizes to simulate vaginal penetration and get the woman used to the sensation. It is important to address the sexological aspects of sex therapy during this treatment, as it could further aggravate the difficulty if there is no adequate support for the experience. Some women, on the other hand, find the dilator method to be mechanical and it takes away the aspect of sexual pleasure associated with sexuality. In addition, the purchase of dilators is also very expensive.
It is important to understand that there are various causes of vaginismus. Before undertaking exploratory activities or exercises with dilators, it is first necessary to find the sexological and physiological cause (s) so that the treatment is adapted and individualized for each woman living with this sexual difficulty.
Hi, my question may seem strange, but here it is, I can’t find any info on the internet. Is it possible to feel both a woman and a man, and sexually attracted to the person of the same sex, in both cases, and not vice versa? By that I mean, to feel like a woman, who loves women, and to feel like a man, who loves men.
To answer your question, which is completely legitimate, it is necessary to define the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. Orientation is defined as the attraction one feels towards one or both sexes. According to Klein (http://www.psychomedia.qc.ca/tests/klein), it is determined in 7 components, including physical/sexual attraction, sexual behaviors, sexual fantasies, emotional and social preferences, community frequented, and identification with an orientation. We evaluate each of them according to the past, the present and our ideal. How would you describe yourself according to each of its components and periods? What does this reflection on your sexual orientation make you feel, think or experience?
Gender identity is about feeling like you belong to one or the other of the sexes. I feel like a man or I feel like a woman. For some, the sense of belonging is not so clearly defined. They question themselves, they experiment and the majority ends up taking a position. There are, however, people who really feel of both sexes according to their feeling of the day, the clothes they wear, the activities they do, etc. Under what circumstances do you feel like a man? Like a woman? Do you feel disturbed by the changes in your feelings? Or do you feel emotionally balanced with your situation? Do you need clarification on your sense of belonging to your gender?
Sexual orientation and gender identity are interdependent. In other words, each can have an influence on the other, but they are determined according to factors specific to each one. It is quite possible to feel like a man and a woman in different situations and to experience attraction depending on the context. The important thing is to feel comfortable with your sexual orientation and gender identity. What makes you question your sexuality in this regard? Do you feel like it is creating relational, emotional or sexual difficulties for you? Sexologists specialize in questions related to gender identity and sexual orientation. If you feel the need, sex therapy can help you achieve balance!
Good progress.
I’m a 20-year-old girl. I can’t have fun with my husband, because I’m used to masturbating. It’s been going on for 5 years and I can’t live like this. Help me.
The inability to get sexual pleasure with one’s partner is caused by various reasons. Sometimes, the cause comes from a lack of knowledge of our body or a difficulty in demonstrating and talking about our sexual preferences with our partner. You can avoid discussing it so as not to hurt your child’s feelings. On the other hand, the longer we wait, the more difficult it will be to discuss it. Is your partner aware of your difficulty feeling pleasure during sex? What could stop you from talking to him about it? Does he have solutions to this dilemma? Are there differences between the way you get aroused during masturbation and during sex?
The relationship we have with sexuality and our partner can also be a blockage to orgasm. This requires a variety of circumstances to be achieved and several elements can harm it when we are with another person. It requires consulting a sexologist to have a complete evaluation of these blockages to understand and overcome them.
There are also other reasons for this situation. Each person has a different Mode of Sexual Arousal (MES) that can be difficult for another person to replicate. Each of these MES has its advantages, but also its limitations that can create sexual difficulties. The way we stimulate ourselves during masturbation crystallizes our Mode of Sexual Arousal. We must therefore learn to expand the types of sensations that can arouse us sexually during sexual relations. To expand your MES and better appreciate the multiple sensations that our body provides, it is possible to experiment by yourself by varying the laws of the body.
It is important to note that the majority of women reach orgasm through the stimulation of the clitoris, which is more difficult to stimulate during penetration. The woman or their partner can stimulate the clitoris with their fingers to have an orgasm during sex. Do you think it would be helpful to stimulate your clitoris during sex with your partner?
I recently turned 19 and I must admit that the size of my penis makes me slightly complex. I started to search the net for solutions that could help me enlarge it a little because I feel like I need this for my self-confidence. I have seen a lot of things and I wanted to know if in your opinion penis extenders and enlargement pills actually work.
Penis size affects many men and can affect their confidence in sexuality. Pills and tools claiming to enlarge the male genitalia have never been studied for their success rate or effectiveness. In addition, there can be many adverse effects of using these methods. Are you willing to take such a risk? Have you been well informed about the possible consequences, the functioning and the expected results of these products?
Many men want to enlarge their penis because they have complexes. Another question entitled: “The importance of penis size.” explains the reasons behind this masculine complex. However, it is important to put into perspective that a man has many other elements that he can put forward to seduce another person. What are your masculine qualities? What are your strengths as a lover? In love?
If it is difficult to answer these questions, it is very relevant to consult a sexologist to work on your self-confidence through sex therapy. The latter allows you to acquire ease in your sexuality, appreciate your strengths, accept your limits and develop erotic skills to fully blossom in your sexuality. Do you think you need consultations with a sexologist? Do you see other ways in which you could remedy your situation?
A few days ago we were talking with friends about sexual positions and we wondered why there were so many positions for making love?
The variety of sexual positions brings various sexual sensations and stimulations. Each person has their preferences that are determined by several factors. Sometimes, comfort allows you to be more relaxed and to appreciate the physical sensations that are provided. The variety of positions helps to change the routine and monotony of sexual relations that is sometimes present. It also provides us with other visual stimulations and to get to know our partner in different ways.
The positions also have a psychological and sexological aspect in relation to the relationship between the partners. Some positions favor the management of the movements and the intensity of these movements by the man and others by the woman. Varying the sexual positions lead a couple to explore its many possible dynamics and to get to know the different facets of our partner in his eroticism. You may want to take a more passive role at times or more active at others.
A couple’s assortment of sex positions has the ability to bring novelty and excite more. On the other hand, we must be careful not to just rely on the position itself to spice up our sex life. Our attitude, our intensity and emotional connection, our ability to reveal ourselves and be ourselves in a sexual relationship leads us to a more fulfilling sex life.
I didn’t really know who to ask. So, I thought that asking a sexologist would be the best! That’s it. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, he lives about 1 hour drive from my home. We don’t see each other during the week, but every weekend, he comes to my house. He confessed to me the other day, during the week, that he occasionally watches pornographic material like “manga”, which is called “futanari”, these are sexual relations between women, but they have a penis. I wondered… What exactly attracts men to this? Why not watch male-female sex instead? Above all, why would a woman have a penis, what’s exciting about it? He assures me that watching porn videos of transsexuals doesn’t turn him on. It’s beyond me. I don’t really know how to react, how to take this news. Is this something common among men?
A person’s erotic imagination takes a variety of different forms. There are all kinds of sexological theories explaining the eroticization of one element or another that we can find in sexuality. To arrive at the answer, it is necessary to evaluate the sexual experience of the person and determine the element that excites him in the fantasy. This therapeutic work can be relevant if the fantasies are disturbing to the person who uses them to get sexually aroused. On the other hand, a person who consults futanari films for entertainment, without needing them to get sexually aroused and does not cause difficulty in his sexuality, will benefit less from an analysis of his sexual fantasies. What bothers you about his fantasies? How would you define the norm of the sexual imagination? Where do the criteria of normal vs. atypical come from, in your opinion?
There has been a movement in the last few years where some people have started to identify as pansexual. This term refers to any person who has the capacity to experience sexual arousal or sexual desire towards a consenting person of any sexual gender (man, woman, transsexual, transgender, etc.). Pansexuality is a sexual orientation just like heterosexuality or homosexuality or bisexuality, but it also includes the different variants between the 2 sexes. Do you feel like your partner would be less attracted to you because they watch this type of erotic movie?
It is not easy to reveal one’s sexual fantasies, especially if these are not considered to be the norm in our society. Being able to reveal atypical fantasies to your partner demonstrates an ability to be intimate with her. We can rarely be certain of the other person’s reaction: rejection, disgust, excitement, closeness, etc. There is always a risk to be taken in such sexual intimacy. The 2 partners must adapt to the revelation and question their own sexuality deeply. What does this arouse in you? How does this impact your partner’s perception and your sexuality? Would you like to ask him any questions to understand more?
I didn’t really know who to ask. So, I thought that asking a sexologist would be the best! That’s it. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, he lives about 1 hour drive from my home. We don’t see each other during the week, but every weekend, he comes to my house. He confessed to me the other day, during the week, that he occasionally watches pornographic material like “manga”, which is called “futanari”, these are sexual relations between women, but they have a penis. I wondered… What exactly attracts men to this? Why not watch male-female sex instead? Above all, why would a woman have a penis, what’s exciting about it? He assures me that watching porn videos of transsexuals doesn’t turn him on. It’s beyond me. I don’t really know how to react, how to take this news. Is this something common among men?
As far as the medications that your doctor has prescribed for you are concerned, I cannot position myself because I do not have medical expertise, but rather therapeutic expertise. The choice to take the risk of side effects is up to you if you are aware of them.
However, I have never heard of a treatment of vaginismus with medication, but that does not prevent it from being a new type of treatment. According to my research, your prescribed medications fall into the category of anti-depressants. These medications are often prescribed for people with disorders surrounding anxiety or who mismanage stress, which is often the case in women with vaginismus. Could this be your case by chance? If so, your doctor has probably prescribed it for this reason, which will allow you to be more relaxed during sex.
However, there are other ways to treat vaginismus that do not cause as many side effects. Sex therapy , for example, will look at your relationship with your femininity, men, sexuality, your body, masturbation, your love and sexual experience, etc. These elements play a large part in the sexual pleasure that a person can have during sexual relations. You mentioned the death of your father in your email. This event could have an influence on your sexuality, depending on the relationship you have had with it. This part of the therapy would look at the psycho-sexual elements of your difficulty.
Breathing exercises to manage emotions, pelvic movements and a possession of the pelvic muscles can help vaginismus. Thus, an evaluation of your mode of sexual arousalcould be relevant to establish a physiological cause of your vaginismus.
I therefore suggest that you find a therapist specialized in sexuality who will help you with this difficulty.
Hello, I am 33 years old and live with the man I married 4 years ago and with whom I have been sharing my life for 13 years. We have never really overcome insurmountable problems and have always come to a common ground. I love sex with my husband and dream of many other exciting experiences, but 6 months ago my husband had a myocardial infarction and almost didn’t survive. … Part of his heart is ruined and he is therefore taking medication for life. After his heart attack, one thing is bothering me, will he still be able to make love to me?! While he is doing his cardiac rehabilitation a week after being released from the hospital, we sometimes have sex, I see my husband in good shape and very vigorous, I feel reassured. Back home…. He doesn’t change his habits though, he doesn’t move, no sport as the doc advised him, we stopped smoking he is gaining weight as if he is visibly and takes almost everything in his stomach, I hate it. …. But I love him and I still want him. At the same time, he has erectile problems, his erections are soft and do not endure or he simply does not have any. Once he loses his erection in the middle of the act. Of course I love him and reassure him, but I have no one to reassure me. The doctors change his treatment 3 times and we see an improvement, but it is still insufficient. Our intercourse is very short, I’m afraid that his penis will become soft, it’s very frustrating. I often talk to him about sex, but it annoys him. He says he’s no longer good for anything, that there’s no point in turning him on, that he doesn’t get hard… it’s hard, because I love him, but at the same time I need sex so much…. I start thinking about having lovers, about one-night stands, I only think about sex all the time…. Is there a solution to our problem, will time be on our side? Thank you very much for your answer, which I am impatiently awaiting.
Heart problems have significant effects on sexuality, especially in terms of sexual arousal (erection). Adjustments and adaptation are necessary for both partners in terms of sexuality. As you said in your email, time is a key ingredient in these changes in your relationship. On the other hand, it also requires some effort and not just waiting for time to pass. It must be used constructively.
For example, couples therapy with a sexologist is very useful in these circumstances to help each partner manage their emotions and overcome the obstacles that arise following this incident. You express that you have no one to discuss it with. What’s stopping you from discussing your feelings with your partner? Do you think that joint support between the two of you could help you adapt more quickly to these changes? What advantages and disadvantages do you see in talking to him about it? When a person keeps his emotions and frustrations to himself, they accumulate and become harmful to the happiness of the couple. Therapy will explore your relationship dynamics to equip you to work as a team, which will give you a better chance of regaining your sexual fulfillment.
Erectile problems often have an influence on the man’s self-image and masculinity. For this reason, one must learn to recognize one’s strengths as a man in a broader way than on the firmness of the erection. How does your partner perceive masculinity and manhood? How does he feel about his masculinity since his sexual difficulties? How important is an erection in your satisfaction during sex? Could you explore various ways to express masculinity inside and outside of your sexuality?
It is possible that your sexuality will never be the same as before. This is inevitable in every couple, because aging and illness force us to diversify our sexual activities and redefine the criteria of our sexual satisfaction. It is a process that can be long and difficult, but for many couples it brings them together emotionally and intimately. Some manage to find greater sexual fulfillment through this type of difficulty.
I am 40 years old and I have been divorced for 1 year. I have been with a man for 4 months now. We care a lot about each other. He makes me cum a lot by practicing cunnilingus, spoon positioning, etc… but when he penetrates me, I hardly feel his penis! I don’t dare tell him for fear of offending him. He manages to ejaculate but I don’t feel his penis hardening. That worries me. Can you enlighten me on this subject?
It is not easy to have to talk to our partner about our sexual dissatisfaction when he or she is the cause. You do have the right attitude to care about his feelings about your disclosure. On the other hand, when we avoid this type of discussion with our partner, it forces us to keep the secret to ourselves and to behave sexually in ways that are not pleasant. In the short term, you save an ego and buy peace. However, in the long run, this will not be useful for you or for him. We must learn to tolerate this kind of discussion that pushes us to develop an intimacy validated by ourselves. Otherwise, the decrease in sexual desire is almost inevitable and it will be even more difficult to have this discussion later in your relationship.
This discussion will also help you determine what the likely cause is. It is possible that he has intravaginal erectile difficulties that cause little sensation during penetration for you because his penis is not fully erect. This difficulty can be treated in therapy by a health professional such as a sexologist. The size of his penis could also be a contributing factor. Does he have a smaller than normal penis when erect (5 to 7 cm)? If this is the case, it could be that the sensations are less. In this case, you will need to adapt to a sexuality with a variety of sexual behaviors to satisfy everyone.
Hello, I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years and a year ago (since we’ve been living together) I learned that my boyfriend masturbated in front of pornographic movies. Still, regularly. We have an active sexuality, which makes me rather worried. He is aware that I know this and that it makes me worried. I would like to understand my boyfriend’s need for his pornography consumption. Is that the problem with me? Is this common? I hope you can answer my questions, because it creates conflicts in my relationship and the issue has been on my mind for a year. Thank you very much for your time.
Viewing pornography evokes a variety of emotions and reactions in partners who don’t watch pornography. Pornography touches on several values in an individual that need to be explored. What are your and your partner’s perceptions of pornography? What bothers you more specifically about it? Is it the type of pornography he watches, the frequency, the fact that he masturbates on other people than you? Is it masturbation being in a couple that bothers you? If not, what differences do you make between masturbating to pornography and using one’s sexual fantasies or even erotic stories? What are your own stimuli for getting sexually aroused?
It may well be that your perceptions differ from those of your spouse, which is quite normal in a couple. However, too great a difference in values on a situation leads the couple to an emotional impasse. This conflictual situation will require everyone to re-evaluate their values and perceptions of sexuality to determine if their partner’s emotions and behaviors are right for us. There are times in a couple when we simply cannot find a common agreement and we must learn to tolerate and accept this fundamental difference in our relationship. In other instances, this difference is too difficult to live with in the relationship and breaking up is a possible option. Would you be willing to discuss the topic of pornography honestly and openly with your spouse? Do you have any apprehensions or elements that you would like to specify with him? Do you think you need the help of a professional such as a sexologist to accompany you in this conflict?
Before you start this discussion with your partner, know that it’s completely normal for partners with an active and satisfying sex life to masturbate. Masturbation meets different needs of a sexual relationship and it also allows a moment of relaxation and pleasure with oneself. Do you ever masturbate? Many men in relationships use pornography to stimulate themselves during masturbation without any consequences on their sex life. It should be noted, however, that certain styles and types of pornography can harm the couple’s sex life in the long term if it differs too much from healthy sexuality between two individuals (e.g., violent, unrealistic body image, focusing only on the genitals). You mention that you are worried about viewing your partner’s pornography. What are his insecurities? Sometimes, his insecurities are related to our jealousy or the fear of not being the only one desirable in the eyes of our partner. This will therefore require work on your part, on your self-esteem to overcome these insecurities.
Hello, I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years and a year ago (since we’ve been living together) I learned that my boyfriend masturbated in front of pornographic movies. Still, regularly. We have an active sexuality, which makes me rather worried. He is aware that I know this and that it makes me worried. I would like to understand my boyfriend’s need for his pornography consumption. Is that the problem with me? Is this common? I hope you can answer my questions, because it creates conflicts in my relationship and the issue has been on my mind for a year. Thank you very much for your time.
Sexual pleasure is an aspect of sexuality that takes on a lot of importance in sexuality. It is experienced in different ways for each and every one of us. You explain that you don’t feel anything during sexual intercourse. What about when you masturbate? Have you ever shown him how you like to be touched and petted? How do you think he would react? If you’ve never tried to stimulate yourself, this could be an activity that will allow you to know your preferences by discovering your body and the sensations it can give you.
Sometimes, and especially for teenage girls, learning about one’s body is more difficult for a multitude of reasons, including social, personal, family, cultural and relational. What were the messages about sexuality and sexual pleasure for the girls that you received? Do you agree with them? How do you feel during sex with your partner? Calm, relaxed, tense, tense, etc.? To feel pleasure and sexual arousal, it is necessary to have a certain muscle tone in the pelvis and body movements. How do you use your body during sex? Are you lubricated in your vulva and vagina?
Sometimes, the sensations in the body are not felt, because sexual desire is not present. Sexual desire is defined as an impulse or the taste for sexual closeness. There are different types and categories of sexual desire and each brings a different dynamic to the relationship. Do you think you feel sexual desire towards your partner? Not to be confused with the feeling of love! What attracts or excites you sexually about him? The contraceptive pill can sometimes have an impact on sexual desire, but in very rare cases. It would be possible for you to consult your family doctor and ask him to prescribe another one to see if the sexual desire will change, if your desire is absent. The pill will not have an effect on your body’s sensations and your ability to feel pleasure.
I am a 23-year-old girl. I am writing to you because for months, I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt about my sex life over the past couple of years.
First, after my split from my longtime boyfriend almost two years ago, I started watching more and more pornography. It lasted a year, then I stopped, as if out of disgust, with the impression that all this was ending up perverting me, but also the impression that “I had had enough”, as if I had ovulated to discover what it was, out of curiosity, and that I had liked it for a year until I realized that it didn’t suit me…
When I think about it today, I still feel a lot of guilt, as if I had made a mistake, that I had “fallen into it” because I fundamentally do not agree with the world of pornography, the image of sex life, of women, of men, of sexuality in general that pornography conveys. Of course, I respect those who like it and understand that it can be suitable for others and am not judgmental (by the way, I only feel guilty about myself; when I imagine other people watching porn, it seems almost “normal” to me, as if I was much stricter with myself)!
I just felt like it was perverting me; some images from these films came back to me at any time out of context; in the middle of the day, I would sometimes imagine the people in front of me in these pornographic situations, but I would immediately realize it and then quickly chase the idea out of my mind, as if my mind was sending me images that I didn’t want to see, but that. I couldn’t fight… As a result, I was ashamed and I still have a lot of guilt at having been able to have these images “reluctantly” in my mind, as if it was not me who controlled them…
Is it weird? I tell myself that no one imagines the person in front of them in such a situation (even if it only lasted a second in my head since in total disagreement with these images, I was ashamed that they came to mind… but couldn’t control it), so I felt a lot of guilt and worried a lot: am I perverted???
After reading your email, I can assure you that what you are experiencing is completely normal. Many people live with guilt about their sexuality due to their sexual fantasies and attraction.
Although we may disagree with the values conveyed in pornography, this does not necessarily prevent our body from reacting to the visual and auditory stimulation it creates. Many people are at odds with their sexual fantasies because they may find them disgusting or bad, but still be very aroused by it. Fantasies are an aspect of sexuality that is very complex and remedied by our wounds, our positive and negative experiences with sexuality, our education, our personality, etc.
So what turns us on doesn’t always make sense sometimes at first glance. Following a more in-depth analysis in therapy with a sexologist and psychotherapist, we can better understand and make sense of these sexual fantasies. Know that your sexual imagination, which includes the people you are around, is in no way perverse. Human beings regularly fantasize in a day with the people around them. We can simply imagine them naked or have more elaborate fantasies of them in various contexts. These are normal, natural thoughts. Sometimes, fighting against one’s sexual urges can give them erotic power. Taboo is often a very exciting element, so the guilt you feel could be the cause of the erogenous aspect of your sexual flashes.
It is certain that the difficulty you have is rather how you live with what is going through your head at the time of the fantasies of those around you. It may be relevant for you to consult a sexologist and psychotherapist so that you can live a sexuality in line with your values and be at peace with yourself.
As you said in your email, you are tougher on yourself than others. Maybe you could take the pressure you put on yourself unnecessarily with regard to your sexuality and live more in acceptance of it and all these facets rather than constantly blaming yourself.
Know that if you would like to explore your sexuality further, a sexologist and psychotherapist will be of great help to you with regard to your sexual experience.
If you’re interested, we could make an appointment at my office or skype (if you’re outside of Montreal) and we could explore in depth a way for you to live your sexuality in harmony.
Contact us by phone, email or book your first meeting directly online. A response will be received as soon as possible.