Sexuality and the body are inseparable, yet many people do not inhabit their bodies much. It is often said that the brain is the largest human sexual organ, but the body plays a key role in it. In fact, the body and the brain are interconnected when it comes to expressing one’s sexuality. In the Sexocorporal approach, this concept is called body-brain, where any bodily change (movement, tension, gestures, posture, etc.) will have a pleasant or unpleasant influence on our brain (emotions, thoughts, beliefs, sexual imagination, etc.). By using the laws of the body (space, tone and rhythm), we can modulate our sexual arousal, amplify our sexual imagination, change our perceptions and increase our pleasure during our sexual behaviors (masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, penetration, etc.).

First, we must differentiate between sexual arousal and sexual pleasure. Isn’t it the same thing, you might say? And no! Sexual arousal is our body’s physiological reaction to sexual stimulation (kisses, caresses, seductive looks, fantasies, etc.). In men, we find erection and in women, lubrication. Now, sexual pleasure is the perception we have of this sexual arousal. It is quite possible to have sexual arousal without getting pleasure from it, for example during sexual assault. However, it is also possible to have sex with our beloved partner, orgasm included, and have felt very little pleasure. How can this be explained? The answer can be found in the three laws of the body: muscle tone, our body rhythm and the internal and external space of our movements.

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Muscle tone plays a very important role in the sexual response in humans. To achieve erection in men or lubrication in women, there must be a certain tone in the pelvic muscles, including the glutes, abdominals and pubococcygeal muscle. Muscle contraction and relaxation allow us to modulate our sexual arousal by increasing or decreasing blood flow to our genitals. We can observe the tone used during our sexual activities on a continuum from hypotonicity (little or no muscle contraction) to hypertonicity (maximum muscle contraction). In hypotonicity of the muscles, it will be more difficult to obtain sexual arousal, while hypertonicity can create bodily discomfort, for example cramps. Thus, by playing in the continuum of pelvic muscle tone, we can increase our arousal or decrease it. The tone of the muscles of the upper body (pectorals, arms, neck, trapezius, etc.) will allow you to feel more sexual pleasure. By contracting and relaxing these muscles during sex, sensations are allowed to spread throughout the body and therefore increase sexual pleasure.

The rhythm with which we move also has an influence on arousal and sexual pleasure. Just like tone, rhythm is on a continuum from slow to fast. In slowness, we allow ourselves more to feel the variety of sensations that touch provides. You can feel the warmth, the softness, the tenderness, the tickling, etc. by having a more refined consciousness than in speed, which requires a certain tone which also increases sexual arousal, generating orgasm. By having fun with different body rhythms, we can then modulate sexual arousal and increase the pleasure felt during sex by taking the time to become aware of the various sensations.

Finally, space is divided into two categories: internal and external. The internal space is the magnitude of the breath. By being deep and abdominal, it allows the body to relax, causing a relaxation of the muscles, thus allowing you to enjoy a slower rhythm by amplifying sexual pleasure. Short, thoracic breathing acts on the increase in sexual arousal where we often find greater muscle tone and faster movements.

External space can be observed by the movements of our body, such as arms, legs, neck, hands, feet, etc. Pleasure is generally felt in movement, especially in the upper body. For example, a person who laughs out loud will usually move their shoulders. It is difficult to imagine a person expressing great pleasure in immobility. The same goes for sexuality. A sexual romp where the space is the order of the day allows you to feel more sexual pleasure. By tilting our shoulders forward and backward or moving the neck in various directions, we feel more of a letting go and an increase in pleasure. While a small space brings both tone and speed to increase sexual arousal.

Finally, it is important to know that sexual arousal and sexual pleasure are not two opposing entities. They become intimately linked by the exploration of the laws of the body in their respective continuum. It is then enough to have fun by inhabiting your body differently during sexual activities to diversify what is felt and enjoy the many sensations that it can cause.

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PROGRAM ON PREMATURE EJACULATION

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* concepts inspired by the sex-body approach

Learn more about the author

François Renaud M.A.
Sexologist & Psychotherapist Downtown Montreal