Does your sexual satisfaction depend on others or on you?

Self-Validation and Validation by Others in Sexuality: Impacts on Sexual Satisfaction

At the heart of this experience is the quest for validation: validation of oneself and validation by others. Both forms of validation play a crucial role in shaping our sexual identity and the quality of our sexual experiences. How does self-validation and validation by others impact sexual satisfaction?

What is Self-Validation?

Self-validation is about acknowledging, accepting, and valuing one’s own sexual desires, needs, and boundaries. It involves a deep knowledge of oneself and an unconditional acceptance of one’s preferences and one’s body by recognizing one’s value. Self-validation is intimately linked to self-esteem and self-confidence. It allows you to live your sexuality independently, being faithful to your own aspirations and being less dependent on external judgments. In other words, to assume one’s sexuality and dare to be oneself in a world that constantly judges us on who we are.

What is Validation by Others?

Validation by others, on the other hand, is based on the recognition and acceptance of our sexuality by others. This can come from sexual partners, but also from society in general. This form of validation can boost our self-esteem and give us a sense of security and belonging. However, an over-reliance on external validation can lead to insecurity and sexuality being experienced according to the expectations of others rather than our own desires. In short, let others choose how we can live our sexuality and restrict ourselves to who we can be sexually.

Impacts on Sexual Satisfaction

Self-Validation

  1. Confidence and Fulfillment : People who validate themselves are often more confident in their sexuality. They are able to clearly express their desires and boundaries, which leads to more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experiences.
  2. Authenticity : Self-validation allows you to live an authentic sexuality. By being in tune with oneself, one can freely explore one’s preferences and fantasies, without fear of judgment or rejection.
  3. Resilience : Individuals who have strong self-validation are better equipped to deal with criticism or rejection. They are less likely to let the negative opinions of others affect their self-esteem and sexual satisfaction.

Validation by Others

  1. Positive Reinforcement : Validation by others can positively boost our self-esteem. Compliments and acceptance from our partners can increase our self-confidence and sexual satisfaction. However, we must make sure that it is not essential to our self-esteem.
  2. Security and Trust : Knowing that our desires and preferences are accepted by our partners can create a sense of security and trust, which is essential for a fulfilling sexuality, but the limit if we don’t have it or don’t know it.
  3. Pressure and Compliance : However, an over-reliance on external validation can be problematic. Constantly seeking the approval of others can lead to sexual behaviors that do not reflect our true desires, reducing satisfaction and fulfillment.

Cultivating Satisfying Sexuality

To achieve optimal sexual satisfaction, it is crucial to find a balance between self-validation and validation by others. Here are some ways to achieve this:

  1. Self-Exploration : Take the time to discover your own sexual desires and needs. Meditation, writing, and reading about sexuality can help you better understand and accept your preferences.
  2. Open Communication : Establish honest and open communication with your partners. Clearly express your desires, your limits and actively listen to theirs.
  3. Positive Reinforcement : Look for relationships where mutual validation is present. Value compliments and positive feedback from your partners, while staying true to yourself.
  4. Self-Esteem Development : Work on your self-esteem outside of the sexual sphere. Good overall self-esteem will strengthen your ability to validate yourself in your sexuality.
  5. Education and Awareness : Learn about the various expressions of sexuality and deconstruct stereotypes and social norms that can limit your sexual fulfillment.

Brief…

Self-validation and validation by others are two complementary elements that profoundly influence sexual satisfaction. By cultivating good self-esteem and seeking relationships based on respect and mutual recognition, it is possible to live a rich and fulfilling sexuality. The key lies in the balance between personal authenticity and openness to others, thus allowing for harmony between self and others in the sexual experience.

 

Sexologist psychotherapist Francois Renaud François Renaud M.A.

Sexologist psychotherapist

Specialized in couples therapy

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