Does your sexual satisfaction depend on your partner?
Self-Validation and Validation by Others in Sexuality: Impacts on Sexual Satisfaction
At the heart of this experience lies the quest for validation: self-validation and validation by others. These two forms of validation play a crucial role in the construction of our sexual identity and in the quality of our sexual experiences. How do self-validation and validation by others impact sexual satisfaction?
What is Self-Validation?
Self-validation is the recognition, acceptance, and valuing of one’s own sexual desires, needs, our own value and limits. It involves a deep understanding of oneself and an unconditional acceptance of one’s preferences and body by recognizing its value. Self-validation is intimately linked to self-esteem and self-confidence. It allows one to live one’s sexuality autonomously, while being faithful to one’s own aspirations and being less dependent on external judgments. In other words, it means embracing one’s sexuality and daring to be oneself in a world that constantly judges us for who we are.
What is Validation by Others?
Validation by others, on the other hand, is based on the recognition and acceptance of our sexuality by others. This can come from sexual partners, but also from society in general. This form of validation can strengthen our self-esteem and give us a sense of security and belonging. However, an excessive dependence on external validation can lead to insecurity and a sexuality lived according to the expectations of others rather than according to our own desires. In short, it means letting others choose how we can live our sexuality and restricting ourselves in who we can be sexually.
Impacts on Sexual Satisfaction
Self-Validation
Confidence and Fulfillment: People who validate themselves are often more confident in their sexuality. They are able to clearly express their desires and limits, which leads to more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experiences.
Authenticity: Self-validation allows one to live an authentic sexuality. By being in agreement with oneself, one can freely explore one’s preferences and fantasies, without fear of judgment or rejection.
Resilience: Individuals who have strong self-validation are better equipped to deal with criticism or rejection. They are less likely to let the negative opinions of others affect their self-esteem and sexual satisfaction.
Validation by Others
Positive Reinforcement: Validation by others can positively reinforce our self-esteem. Compliments and acceptance from our partners can increase our self-confidence and sexual satisfaction. However, we must make sure that it is not essential to our self-esteem.
Security and Confidence: Knowing that our desires and preferences are accepted by our partners can create a sense of security and confidence, essential for a fulfilling sexuality, but it can limit it, if we do not have it or do not know it.
Pressure and Conformity: However, an excessive dependence on external validation can be problematic. Constantly seeking the approval of others can lead to sexual behaviors that do not reflect our true desires, thus reducing satisfaction and fulfillment.
Cultivating a Satisfying Sexuality
To achieve optimal sexual satisfaction, it is crucial to find a balance between self-validation and validation by others. Here are some ways to achieve this:
Self-Exploration: Take the time to discover your own sexual desires and needs. Meditation, writing, and reading about sexuality can help you better understand and accept your preferences.
Self-disclosure: Establish honest and openness with your partners. Clearly express your desires and limits, and actively listen to theirs.
Positive Reinforcement: Seek out relationships where mutual validation is present. Value the compliments and positive feedback from your partners, while remaining true to yourself.
Self-Esteem Development: Work on your self-esteem outside of the sexual realm. Good overall self-esteem will strengthen your ability to validate yourself in your sexuality.
Education and Awareness: Learn about the diverse expressions of sexuality and deconstruct stereotypes and societal norms that may limit your sexual fulfillment.
Therefore…
Self-validation and validation by others are two complementary elements that deeply influence sexual satisfaction. By cultivating good self-esteem and seeking relationships based on mutual respect and recognition, it is possible to experience a rich and fulfilling sexuality. The key lies in finding a balance between personal authenticity and openness to others, thus allowing for harmony between oneself and others in the sexual experience.
