When your sexuality is managed by planetary stars!

Ah, gender stereotypes and sexual desire! As a sexologist, it’s a bit like my daily bread. I spend my days navigating between “Men are from Mars” and “Women are from Venus”. And frankly, if Mars and Venus could talk, they would laugh at our little earthly quarrels. Let’s start with the classic stereotype: “Men always think about sex.” You know, that preconceived idea that every time a man looks out the window, he doesn’t admire the landscape but imagines scenarios worthy of a film forbidden to those under 18. Oh, really? I assure you, dear readers, that men are capable of thinking about other things like football, hamburgers or why socks mysteriously disappear in the washing machine. And what about women, then? Oh, the famous belief that “Women never think about sex, they prefer a good cup of tea and an intimate conversation.” Let me tell you, in my sexology practice, I’ve heard stories of female fantasies that would make E. L. James blush herself. Women are not asexual angels who are content to read romance novels under a blanket. They have desires and impulses that are just as powerful as men, even if they sometimes express them differently.

Then there is the stereotype that men are “predators” always looking for conquests, while women are the “guardians of the temple”, defending their virtue like a knight protects his castle. Seriously? Have you ever tried to refuse a chocolate cake? Well, it’s kind of the same for sexual desire. Both men and women can be knights on a quest or guardians, depending on the situation and the person.

The traditional: I see you, I hard, I talk to you, I lubricate!

Another classic: ” Men are visual, women are emotional.” Translation: a man will be aroused by a beautiful pair of legs, while a woman needs an emotional connection to feel desire. So yes, maybe Brad Pitt in boxer shorts will have a greater effect on some women than reading a poem by Baudelaire, but believe me, men also need a certain amount of emotion for their desire to ignite. After all, who hasn’t been attracted to someone with whom they share a good conversation, a laugh or a moment of complicity? And let’s not talk about stereotypes about performance. Men must be tireless “pleasure machines,” while women must be goddesses of sensuality. But, surprise! Men can also want to cuddle after the act and women can take the initiative without it shocking anyone. Sexual desire is like a dance, everyone leads in turn, and sometimes you step on each other’s toes, but the most important thing is to have fun.

What if we all just came from planet Earth?!?

As a sexologist, what I try to remind my clients is that stereotypes are made to be challenged. Sexual desire is unique to each individual, regardless of gender. We are all complex beings with our own wants, needs, and fantasies. So, instead of locking ourselves into boxes, let’s open ourselves up to the diversity of experiences and pleasures. The next time you hear a gender stereotype about sexual desire, remember that Mars and Venus would laugh at us. And between us, a good laugh is also an excellent aphrodisiac.

François Renaud M.A.

Sexologist psychotherapist

Specialized in couples therapy

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