Sexual routine and sexual presence anxiety
Performance and sexual presence
Moving from a performance to a presence… A difficult task
When people realize the benefits of being sexually present over performing, they find it makes sense to take the next step in their sexuality. However, it is not as easy as we would like. Our old performance trends are quickly surfacing. We are educated to look for performance from a young age in sexuality, but also elsewhere in our lives. We want to get results by quantifying our sexual relations by the number of orgasms, the duration, the frequency, the hardness of the penis and the amount of lubrication. How do you rate your sexual satisfaction?
Sexual presence is rather unclear
Sexual performance is based on quantifiable techniques, positions, and elements. The sexual presence is more fluid and organic. It is felt differently for each person and we reach it in different ways depending on our partner at the time. You also have to learn to manage that there is no manual or precise guidelines for being sexually present. This creates a difficulty for many. It requires a letting go of our knowledge of sexuality and the perception of sexual satisfaction.
We can often feel incompetent when we try to be more sexually present. Remember that feeling you had during your first sexual encounter? Well, it’s quite similar when you try presence for the first time. A feeling that we generally want to avoid at all costs. Why would I do something that makes me feel ugly?
Overcoming Insecurities and Sexual Routine
Indeed, the sexual presence brings us face to face with the things we try to avoid in sexuality such as our vulnerabilities and insecurities. It is often said that it is important to be comfortable and comfortable in sexuality to be satisfied. This is not wrong, but this discomfort can sometimes be temporary before reaching a more interesting and satisfying sexuality.
By confronting the insecurities that make us vulnerable to our partner, we eventually succeed in overcoming them. We learn to live our sexuality in a different way that brings a completely different dynamic. Once we access a sexual presence, we realize how anxious and uncomfortable we were in our performance sexuality. Often, the people in my office never want to go back to their old ways because they realize how bad they were.
How do you get there?
In addition, what makes sexual presence difficult to achieve is the intense and deep connection we feel with our partner. Underneath a difficulty in achieving this connection is often an anxiety about the sexual presence!
Performance is a sexual dynamic that we all know. It is reassuring, because it gives us guidelines. On the other hand, presence is anxiety-provoking because it is not as easy to achieve. There is also a fundamental insecurity behind the sexual presence, because the more we practice it, the more the connection with our partner intensifies.
This overload of our sensations and emotions often leads to a deep fear of losing the other person. This attachment that is created in moments of sexual presence is as pleasant as it is vulnerable. We attach immense importance to the relationship with our partner which, inevitably, will disappear following a breakup or death. It is then easier to maintain an emotional distance by being focused on giving a sexual performance.
Will you dare?
Sexual performance is a normal path of sexuality that must be tamed in our first sexual experiences. However, it has its limits and leads many to long-term sexual dissatisfaction. It is no longer used as much as it used to be and its appeal is losing its meaning over the years. Sexual presence is another step that is too often forgotten and that occurs in spite of us following sexual difficulties in our relationship.
It is now up to you to decide if you have the desire to explore this new option available to you. Know that sexual presence requires work on ourselves and our relationship with the other. It arouses pleasant as well as unpleasant emotions towards ourselves and our partner. You have to have a certain amount of patience before accessing it. Don’t hesitate to consult a sexologist and psychotherapist if you are looking for support to achieve this.
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