Has the pandemic killed libido?

March 2020.

Quebec officially falls into a state of alert. The beginning of a global pandemic that is sinking us into a period of uncertainty and pushing us to adapt to a new lifestyle, confinement. The perfect scenario to spend time as a couple. Many thought that we would see a “baby boom” 9 months later or simply an explosion of libido within couples. But what really happened? The many health rules, isolation and especially stress have got the better of the sexual desire of many couples.

With the health rules that encouraged us to reduce our contacts, singles and partners who do not live under the same roof have had to find solutions to maintain their relationships and especially to avoid any risk of contamination. Indeed, public health proposed opting for masturbation or wearing a mask during sex with partners, when it took place outside of their social bubble. However, it has been shown that semen or vaginal secretions would be of extremely low risk for the spread of the virus. We talk more about contact with the mouth, so the partners were asked not to kiss during their sexual intercourse. This change in sexuality has led to a craze for sex toys, so many companies in the industry have seen their sales increase. While some rediscovered the pleasures of sexuality alone, others saw the sexual desire within their union slowly fade.

The single man in lockdown

When you’re single, you protect yourself from STBBIs (sexually transmitted and blood-borne infections), but now, it’s Covid-19 that you worry about the most. Dating on websites or mobile applications is very popular, especially in the midst of a global pandemic. However, after a while, it can be difficult to evolve in the relationship with the person by maintaining contact only behind the screen. The need to meet the person physically is therefore felt, but you still have to stay two meters apart, so the physical connection is not really possible. So, many singles take the risk of getting closer, out of a need for physical proximity to others. This need is felt intensely and becomes even more urgent when we notice that the lockdown continues to expand. It is important to know that sexual health is just as important as physical and mental health, so it is normal that some singles choose to circumvent the rules of social distancing to compensate for their lack of proximity.

Anxiety and libido, a bad mix?

The fear of contracting the virus or contaminating others is now part of people’s daily lives. This can have psychological consequences, such as anxiety, depression, etc. But what is the link with sex life? First of all, anxiety causes an activation of the sympathetic system, which can be compared to the expression “fight or flight” which puts our body on alert. On the other hand, sexual arousal needs an activation of the parasympathetic system, which puts our body in a state of relaxation. So, we understand that the two systems are totally opposite and that anxiety can affect the different stages of the sexual response. To be able to reach orgasm, you need to be in a state of peace of mind so that the body can let go completely. In short, taking care of your mental health also means taking care of your sexual health. If the brain is not there, the body is not there either!

And what about couples in all this?

You have to be bored to find yourself. Yes, you read that right. Being with your partner too often can reduce sexual desire. When you are used to leaving in the morning to go to work, excitement can be created during the day and give way to sexual desire when you meet in the evening. However, in confinement and with work at home, this expectation of finding the other person is put on hold, because we are with our partner 100% of the time or almost. This lack of excitement to find the other person can lead to tension, conflict and boredom within the relationship. The difficulty of living new experiences and the topics of conversation that are therefore limited by the same fact can weigh heavily on some couples. In addition, being together all the time can make us realize certain things that we did not know before. Many couples will notice that they get on each other’s nerves, that they have little in common or even that the flaws of their partner that once did not bother become invasive. All these reasons have an impact on sexual desire in a couple’s relationship.

How to get out of it?

It is important to try to keep in touch with our family and friends, whether through online or in-person conversations, but while following the health rules applicable to your area. A healthy mind, in a healthy body! The best advice is to continue to feed the bubble of pleasure in your relationship. Whether it’s through small attentions, the introduction of sex toys in the bedroom or simply to take a moment of relaxation with your partner. Even if we are confined, we must know how to distinguish between work and life as a couple. Fluctuations in sexual desire are completely normal, whether during lockdown or not. We simply have to question ourselves about the interest we have in sexuality. Is the desire gone? Has it decreased? If the answer is yes, it’s up to you to see if it suits your relationship and what you can establish together to find it if that’s the goal. Each couple experiences confinement in a different way, but to get through this particularly gloomy period, we must continue to communicate our desires and shortcomings to our partner.

Finally, there is a nice difference between singles and couples. On the one hand, singles need physical connection while on the other hand, couples need to get bored to find each other, because they are too often together. In both cases, confinement does not make everyone happy and even if it is a difficult time to go through, it is important to do everything in your power to stay healthy, whether physically, mentally or sexually.

A healthy mind in a healthy body!

– Audrey Labelle, B.A.

sexologist