Sexual desire and seduction: a perfect marriage

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Understanding Sexual Desire and Seduction

Sexual desire and seduction are essential aspects of romantic and intimate life. Understanding these concepts can be complex, but renowned relationship expert and psychotherapist Esther Perel offers intriguing perspectives on these subjects. In this article, we will explore key ideas regarding sexual desire and seduction, and how they can enrich our romantic relationships.

Redefining Sexual Desire

We have to challenge conventional notions of sexual desire because desire is not simply a biological impulse or an unchanging constant, but rather a complex phenomenon that evolves over time. We have come to realize that desire can be influenced by various factors such as emotional intimacy, variety, surprise, and mystery. Perel encourages individuals to explore their own desires and communicate openly with their partners to maintain a fulfilling sex life.


  • Do you use mystery and surprise to stimulate your sexual desire?
  • Do you think it could have a positive or negative impact on it?


Seduction and Reconnection

Seduction plays a crucial role in maintaining a passionate relationship. Seduction is not limited to the early stages of a relationship but should be nurtured throughout the romantic journey. I suggest to my clients to cultivate attraction by leaving room for mystery and nurturing the desire to explore one another. Seduction creates an erotic tension that sustains mutual interest and passion.


  • What is your relationship with seduction in general?
  • How has it evolved during your relationship?
  • How could you improve your relationship with seduction in your partnership?


Challenges of Modernity

In our modern society, challenges such as monotony, stress, and responsibilities can weigh on our sex lives and seduction. Therefore, it is crucial to preserve individual autonomy within the relationship while maintaining a sense of connection. I also encourage creating spaces for excitement, discovery, and venture outside of the routine. These are what I call “sexual snacks.” Creating humorous moments with each other spontaneously throughout the day to step out of the roles of parents, roommates, and lover and instead be lovers. Here are some examples of sexual snacks:


  • Taking 6 seconds a day to passionately kiss your partner
  • Playfully hugging them from behind while they stir the spaghetti sauce
  • Sensually caressing their inner thigh while sitting on the couch
  • Briefly rubbing each other’s genitals to arouse one another in the hallway and walking away with a mischievous glance
  • Looking at your partner with sexual intent, communicating it through your gaze and facial expressions
  • What are your moves?


Self-disclosure and Self-Validation

Sexual self-disclosure is essential for nurturing sexual desire and seduction. I recommend expressing your needs and fantasies to your partner while attentively listening to their desires. However, unveiling comes with the risk of feeling embarrassed or judged, as it reveals our deepest sexual selves. It is crucial to be able to embrace and value ourselves even in the face of reactions that may not fully accept or embrace our desires. It is normal for our partners to not always respond with complete complicity to our fantasies. It also reveals their own issues and limitations regarding sexuality. However, this does not mean that intimacy is diminished but rather deepened.


  • What have you never dared to unveil to your partner?
  • What prevents you from doing so?
  • Do you believe that unveiling could have long-term benefits, even if it may create tension in the short term?
  • Will you dare to break down this barrier?


Going Deeper into Intimacy

Sexual desire and seduction are dynamic and evolving aspects of romantic relationships. By emphasizing the importance of unveiling, mutual sharing, and individual autonomy, we develop our sexual selves and become more self-assured. By adopting these perspectives, we can nourish sexual desire, maintain enduring seduction, and cultivate intimate and passionate relationships.

sex therapist montrealFrank Renaud M.A.

Sexologist psychotherapist

Specialized in couple’s therapy