The relational "Ditch"

The relational “Ditch”

I love him, I don’t love him anymore…

Relationship “DITCH” is a term to define the moment when almost all couples reach the point of no return, when sexual and/or marital difficulties take up too much space and separation becomes possible. This phase is normal and desirable, as it pushes individuals to become better people and above all, better partners. Are you ready to get out of your “DITCH”?

We often hear that the key to the success in a couple is communication and especially when the couple is going through marital difficulties. On the other hand, we quickly realize in therapy that communication is not really an issue. It is Emotional management in the face of our differences which is the main source of difficulties in a long-term couple. What you need to know is that each individual has different ways of reacting to these difficulties through the Wedding ring type that they use in their conflict. It is these reactions in particular that can generate repetitive bickering and Emotional impasses within the couple.

Early breakup?

Nowadays, one in two unions ends in separation. Indeed, divorce legal procedures are becoming increasingly simplified. However, even if this process is simplified, the decision to end a marriage is much less easy to make. This decision should not be taken lightly or on a “whim”, as it involves taking the risk of regretting it. Sometimes, the threat of a breakup is a strategy to bring about changes in the couple. Mistake if your integrity is not behind this intention!

Currently, individualism and the quest for personal fulfillment reign among many individuals. We seek to satisfy ourselves and to think of ourselves above all. Which is not bad in itself. However, it is noticed that couples are consumed and thrown away when they are no longer satisfactory. Nowadays, we have a lot of expectations of our partner, including being our best friend, our lover, our lover, our support shoulder, our care-taker, etc. In this sense, trade-offs seem to be much less trendy than in years past, as options and opportunities “seem” to be plentiful, at least on the surface. At the same time, compromises are also a great source of distress in couples that last over time. Do you know the expression: “Put water in your wine!”? After 11 years of putting water in it… the wine no longer tastes as good. Making or not compromising is not the source of the problem either, as many would have you believe. The difficulty of maintaining one’s personal integrity while being in relationship with the other and the integrity of one’s partner is at the heart of the marital difficulties of our time.

When we get into a relationship with someone, we often have this idea of a linear relationship, without pitfalls, enriching and above all, satisfying. However, every relationship contains its share of frustrations and tensions, but does not necessarily imply separation or divorce.

PROGRAM: REKINDLING SEXUAL DESIRE

How to get out of it?

First of all, you have to ask yourself what feeds the couple. As a result, the couple managed to get through all these pitfalls. Taking stock of the situation is the number one step towards the success of a problem. We must ask ourselves how and why this problem has been established within the couple. Self-confrontation first and foremost. Pointing the finger at your partner’s faults will inevitably lead to your downfall. How did I contribute to the dynamics of our relationship? You also have to be honest with yourself and name the things you want more? We must not jump to conclusions too quickly thinking that if there are shortcomings, we must leave. We just have to question these shortcomings, and recognize those we have had in front of our partner. To be able to take stock of the situation in order to be able to deal with it as a couple.

To make sense of this very pivotal period, you just have to see the situation as a challenge and not as a difficult mountain to overcome Let’s take the example of a video game or the Super Mario Bros. effect. The hero must go through several obstacles in order to reach his ultimate quest. When we lose the game, we start over by learning from our mistakes, until we succeed in achieving our goal, because we see video games as a challenge to be met. This concept applies very well to couples’ relationships. Indeed, seeing marital difficulties as challenges to be overcome, makes it possible to give meaning to this difficult period and pushes individuals to make personal growth by facing long-standing personal insecurities. Taking stock of the situation to find out what brought the difficulty, promoting dialogue as a couple in order to find possible solutions to the difficulties, applying techniques to overcome the difficulties are all steps to be taken in order to get out of this difficult period. We must not give up. After all, you are the hero of your own adventure!

– Audrey Labelle,

sexologist, B.A.