{"id":25780,"date":"2026-07-27T13:14:42","date_gmt":"2026-07-27T17:14:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/blog\/2026\/07\/27\/turning-the-slope-of-declining-sexual-desire-a-new-pact-of-integrity\/"},"modified":"2026-09-09T13:57:11","modified_gmt":"2026-09-09T17:57:11","slug":"turning-the-slope-of-declining-sexual-desire-a-new-pact-of-integrity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/en\/blog\/2026\/07\/27\/turning-the-slope-of-declining-sexual-desire-a-new-pact-of-integrity\/","title":{"rendered":"Turning the slope of declining sexual desire: A New Pact of Integrity"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\">Increase the pressure to create sexual<\/h2>\n<p> desire<\/p>\n<div>\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">(Feminine and masculine pronouns are regularly interchanged in this article)<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<h3>Breaking the Devil&#8217;s Pact<\/h3>\n<div><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/en\/blog\/2026\/07\/27\/sexual-desire-disorder-the-pact-with-the-devil\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The previous article<\/a> explained that asking the <b><a href=\"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/en\/blog\/2026\/07\/27\/valuing-oneself-engenders-sexual-desire\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">PPD<\/a><\/b> (<b>P<\/b>artenaire with <b>more<\/b>sexual desire) to reduce his sexual advances <b><\/b>towards the <b><a href=\"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/en\/blog\/2026\/07\/27\/i-dont-want-to-have-sex-anymore\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">PMD<\/a> (P<\/b>artenaire with <b>less<\/b>sexual <b>desire<\/b>) and for the latter to be more active in seduction leads the couple to worsen the situation they are trying to solve. <b>Too often, this agreement between partners is the last hope for improving sexuality in the relationship. Therapists also unfortunately make this mistake by recommending this type of dynamic. <\/b> <\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<hr>\n<\/div>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Transforming the pact<\/h4>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">You may have already tried the <a href=\"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/en\/blog\/2026\/07\/27\/sexual-desire-disorder-the-pact-with-the-devil\/#pacte\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">devil&#8217;s pact<\/a> with your partner and found yourself in the spiral of frustration and endless pressure. Now, what can we do to change the situation and have a satisfying sexuality? Have you ever thought about doing the exact opposite of the devil&#8217;s bargain?<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>Being honest in your relationship and respecting yourself is the golden rule for arousing sexual desire. It is not hormones, physical appearance, love or attachment that arouses him despite the fact that these elements influence him<\/b>. When we feel we have the space to be ourselves and express our sexual desires or non-desires without it leading to a fight, we create the atmosphere to have the sexual frequency we desire in our relationship.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<hr>\n<\/div>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Perceiving rejection differently<\/h4>\n<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><b>PPD <\/b>experiences a lot of rejection in the difference in sexual desire with their better half, the <b>PMD.<\/b> It also tolerates it less and less in the relationship with time, and becomes less desirable in general the more it is rejected by the <b>LDC<\/b>. <b>The PPD <\/b>must learn to be refused when she makes sexual advances. Just because one partner desires the other doesn&#8217;t mean it&#8217;s reciprocal at the same time at that time of day. Stop taking the refusal personally and it will weigh less heavily on the atmosphere of the relationship.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<hr>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<ul>\n<li>Ask yourself if your behaviors, attitudes, and approach toward your partner are really desirable? Have you become unpleasant with the multiple refusals?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Do you put effort into seduction or do you simply initiate your sexual relations? (e.g., asking the other person if they want to have sex)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Have you always been respectful of your partner and their boundaries in the relationship and sexuality? (e.g., sulking, criticizing, complaining, denigrating)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Do you perceive yourself as a sexually desirable person or do you just want YOUR partner to find you desirable?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Is your approach an invitation to share an intimate moment together or a request to respond only to YOUR sexual desire?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Is the sexuality you offer of good quality? Do you have a <a href=\"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/en\/blog\/2016\/07\/13\/getting-stuck-in-a-sexual-routine\/#presence\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">sexual presence and sexual connection<\/a> with the other in your sexuality? Do you accept <b><a href=\"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/en\/blog\/2025\/01\/14\/difference-in-the-level-of-sexual-desire-in-the-couple\/#sexeparpitie\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">sex out of pity<\/a><\/b>?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div>\n<hr>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Experiencing rejection is never really fun, but there is often a lesson to be learned. When the <b>LDC<\/b> refuses you, it could mean that your approach was not the right one. Maybe the sexuality you offer is not so satisfying and interesting for the other person. <b>Maybe if you find yourself more attractive and desirable, you&#8217;ll be more attractive to your partner too.<\/b> You may sometimes be too pushy and don&#8217;t respect your lover. How are you going to change that dynamic from now on?<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<p><b>You should never stop showing real sexual desire towards your partner when you feel it. It is a sign of attraction and interest that you have in the other person. It is an invitation to share a moment of intimacy and sexual connection with the person you love.  <\/b>Are you really giving this to your partner? Have you ever discussed it frankly together?<b><\/b>However, it is enough to act like an adult when the other person does not necessarily want to share this intimate moment at the same time as you. You have to be able to distinguish between inviting the other person to have sex and asking them by putting pressure. Do you enjoy seducing your partner? Has it become a task or a means to your end? When was the last time you surprised him?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<hr>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<p><script src=\"https:\/\/francois-renaud.mykajabi.com\/forms\/2148982135\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\">\n<hr>\n<p><b style=\"text-align: center;\"> <\/b><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">The threat of the partner&#8217;s sexual desire<\/h4>\n<div><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The <b>LDC <\/b>must constantly set its limits on the <b>DPP<\/b>. This weighs heavily in the long run and the latter simply wants the other to stop. The <b>PMD<\/b> wants a space to breathe and live in an atmosphere where there is not the constant pressure of having to respond to the sexual desires of the OTHER. <b>We can&#8217;t really ask the other person not to desire us. This is one of the major reasons why you are in a relationship. <\/b> <\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<p>One can have the impression as  <b>PMD  <\/b>that this is the only reason our partner is with us. One gets the impression that the  <b>PPD<\/b>  of the couple only wants sexuality, all the time, at all times.  <b>This impression comes from the fact that the latter does not have his sexual desires met. So, he\/she starts asking on Monday to receive what he\/she would like to have on Friday.  <\/b>So you can feel the demand constantly. Sometimes even when the other probably does not (<a href=\"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/en\/blog\/2026\/07\/27\/sexual-desire-disorder-the-pact-with-the-devil\/#pacte\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Devil&#8217;s Pact<\/a>). The  <b>PMD  <\/b>has the task of learning to set limits  <b>in a respectful manner<\/b>  and tolerate the guilt that can make them experience for not meeting their partner&#8217;s needs. There is no obligation to fulfill all of our partner&#8217;s (sexual) desires. As a  <b>PMD<\/b>  You can refuse their request. On the other hand, the way you react can greatly help your relationship to experience this difference in the desired sexual frequency. If you say &#8220;<b>NO&#8221;<\/b>  At the slightest sign of affection or sexual desire towards you, you risk causing your spouse to experience rejection and most likely humiliation.  <b>Generally, these are not the emotions that we want to establish in our relationship, unless we are doing <a href=\"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/en\/blog\/2025\/01\/14\/unhealthy-couple-dynamics-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">normal marital sadism<\/a>.  <\/b><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<hr>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>How do you feel when your lover seduces you or tries to initiate a sexual relationship?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Do you dare to take the first steps towards your partner or are you afraid of being rejected too?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Are you trying to give the runner a chance and increase your sexual desire or do you feel you have to have it immediately?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Do you offer another option for an intimate moment or are you adamant in your refusal?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do you feel that you can end at any point in the process to and during sex? When is it too late for you to end it?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Do you make an effort to stimulate and nurture sexual desire in your relationship or do you take your partner for granted?<\/li>\n<li><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr>\n<div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\">The <b>LDC <\/b>must constantly set its limits on the <b>DPP<\/b>. This weighs heavily in the long run and the latter simply wants the other to stop.<\/span><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<hr\/>\n<\/div>\n<h3>Maintaining its integrity<\/h3>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>When each partner makes an effort to improve sexuality in the couple and each feels valued and respected by the other, the wounds caused by the difference in sexual desire can begin to heal. <b>Too often the <u><i>PMD<\/i><\/u> and <u><i>the PPD<\/i><\/u> focus on their experience of the situation and do not put themselves in the other&#8217;s shoes.<\/b> We only consider <b><u><i>our<\/i><\/u><\/b> sufferings, <b><u><i>our<\/i><\/u><\/b> wounds and <b><u><i>our<\/i><\/u><\/b> insecurities rather than working collaboratively with the other.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>\n<p><b>Partners who work on their integrity, express their limits without exploding into conflict or express their sexual desire without the fear of humiliation, have more respect for each other. <\/b>This new atmosphere makes you want to exchange intimate moments, because you admire the effort and integrity that the other person maintains in the relationship and sexuality.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<hr>\n<div><\/div>\n<div class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\">There is no obligation to fulfill all of our partner&#8217;s (sexual) desires. As <b>a PMD,<\/b> you can refuse their request. On the other hand, the way you react can greatly help your relationship to experience this difference in the desired sexual frequency.<\/span><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\">\n<hr\/>\n<\/div>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\">Integrity as an aphrodisiac<\/h4>\n<p>When the couple helps each other overcome sexual difficulties and each partner deals with their own emotional wounds, the couple improves their chances of being sexually satisfied. <b>Being upfront with your partner isn&#8217;t always easy. On the other hand, demonstrating one&#8217;s vulnerabilities is a great sign of courage that arouses admiration for each other.<\/b> This admiration has a strong erogenous impact on human beings, much more so than aphrodisiacs such as chocolate or rhinoceros horn.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<hr>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\"><\/div>\n<div><script src=\"https:\/\/francois-renaud.mykajabi.com\/forms\/2148125176\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<hr>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-2856 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/IMG_0199-e1500512222567-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"Sexologist Montreal\" width=\"300\" height=\"169\">Learn more about the author<a href=\"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/en\/about\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Fran\u00e7ois Renaud M.A.<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/lesexologue.ca\/en\/\">Sexologist<\/a> &#038; Psychotherapist Downtown Montreal<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: justify;\"><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Increase the pressure to create sexual desire (Feminine and masculine pronouns are regularly interchanged in this article) Breaking the Devil&#8217;s Pact The previous article explained that asking the PPD (Partenaire with moresexual desire) to reduce his sexual advances towards the PMD (Partenaire with lesssexual desire) and for the latter to be more active in seduction [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":27007,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[918,706],"tags":[920,919],"class_list":["post-25780","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-couple-problem","category-decrease-in-desire-loss-of-libido","tag-couple-problem","tag-decrease-in-desire-loss-of-libido"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Getting back on track with a decline in desire &#8211; 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