Kissing is a big deal

Kissing as a therapeutic tool


Kissing is one of the most intimate acts in a romantic relationship, but it is often taken for granted and given little thought. However, according to psychologist and couples therapist David Schnarch, kissing is actually an important indicator of the health of a relationship and can even be a tool for strengthening emotional and physical intimacy.

How competent are you at kissing?

Kissing is an act that requires a great deal of vulnerability. It is a moment where we expose our lips, teeth, and breath to another person and are in close proximity to their face. This vulnerability can be scary, especially if we have insecurities or doubts about our own appearance or kissing ability. However, it is precisely this vulnerability that makes kissing so important for emotional and physical connection in a relationship.

An indicator about our relationship and our connection to our partner

Furthermore, kissing can be an indicator of the health of a relationship. A passionate and engaged kiss is often a sign that both partners feel connected and comfortable with each other, while a hesitant or reserved kiss can indicate emotional distance or reluctance to be vulnerable. Issues in how partners kiss can therefore be a sign of deeper issues in the relationship.

However, I also believes that kissing can be a powerful tool for strengthening emotional and physical intimacy. I recommend that couples explore their way of kissing together, slowing down and focusing on the sensations and emotions the kiss evokes. This can help create a deeper connection between partners and encourage them to be more vulnerable with each other.

An exploration of our intimacy

I also encourage couples to be creative and explore different types of kissing together, using their own bodies and needs to guide the experience. I suggests that this can help build trust and intimacy between partners and encourage greater emotional openness.

Ultimately, kissing is much more than just a physical gesture. It is an act that requires great vulnerability and can be an important indicator of the health and intimacy of a relationship. By exploring together how they kiss and using kissing as a tool for strengthening emotional and physical intimacy, couples can create a deeper and more fulfilling connection.

Personal reflections

  • How do you kiss your partner? Describe your kissing style with adjective.
  • How does your partner kiss you?
  • Have you lost your passionate fire?
  • Do you think you can find it back?
  • How important is kissing for you during sex?
  • Do you flee your partner’s kisses?
  • Does your partner flee your kisses?



Francois Renaud M.A.

Sexologist & psychotherapist

sex therapist montreal