There are a variety of reasons why a person loses or has a decrease in sexual desire in a couple. Moreover, they are often multi-factorial and require several different interventions to find a solution to this situation. For a long time, women have been categorized as those who lose sexual desirel (libido) in a couple because the man is the partner with the most sexual desire due to his hormones, more specifically testosterone. On the other hand, we are seeing more and more male partners in sexologists’ offices who also find themselves with losses of sexual desire. In fact, there are also gay male couples where one or both partners no longer have a sexual interest.

Yet the myth persists that women are the ones who most often lose sexual desire in a long-term relationship. The reasons for the loss of sexual desire are sometimes different between men and women. What we notice more and more in female sexuality is the loss of sexual interest, not because there is a hormonal or neurotransmitter disorder or because the woman simply has less sexual desire than men in general, but because men find sex uninteresting in the long term. Women are looking for variety, spontaneity, novelty, a sense of exploration, context, connection during their sexual relationship.

When we are several years with the same partner, it is normal to have a drop in sexual desire, if our sexuality is routine, redundant, predictable, and often effortless on both sides. The loss of sexual desire is often more than not the problem, but a symptom of a relational and sexual dynamic of the couple that needs to be worked on.

Is the female Viagra in all this?

So why is this drug not going to help the vast majority of Women with a decrease or loss of sexual desire? The answer is simple: we don’t focus on the problem, but on the symptoms. By taking this pill, which also has significant side effects, only gives false hope to a couple who should instead analyze their dynamics and their relationship and sexual satisfaction. The drug could have an impact for a while where the motivation to have sex would be increased, but since the sexuality will always be the same, it is very likely that the problem will resurface after a short time. No medication can counteract the flatness of long-term sexuality.

Too often, one of the partners, often women, perceive sexuality with their partner as a form of relational obligation to maintain the couple and avoid major conflicts. After having accepted and offered sex several times out of pity, it is inevitable that the couple’s sexuality will deteriorate and the relationship will also take a bad hit.

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The short answer to this question is yes… but with the following exclusion criteria:

• Stable relationship of at least 1 year with a man (excluding lesbian women)
• Loss of desire must be acquired and must not always have been the case
• Total loss of sexual desire: (no dreams or sexual fantasies or desire to masturbate)
• Functional sexual response: ability to lubricate and reach orgasm following stimulations
• 18+ years old, but not menopausal
• Not being pregnant or breastfeeding
• No psychotherapy in the last 3 months
• No medication for mood

disorders

• No suicidal thoughts in their lifetime
• No relationship difficulties
• Good reaction of the partner following the decrease in sexual desire.

Finally!