The erotic power of women

There is a misconception that women don’t like sex or that they are all just uninterested. Society tends to imagine that women appreciate sexuality only when it is found in a romantic and affective composting. Where she finds a connection with another person. Even if sexual roles change in recent years, a woman expressing a love for sex out of pure sexual pleasure is open or secretly considered to be a nymphomaniac or even worse a “slut”. Young girls rarely brag about their masturbatory sessions like boys can do in adolescence. On the other hand, he masturbates just as much, but discreetly to avoid judgment. They want to know as much as their male peers, but don’t dare show their sexual curiosity for fear of being stigmatized.

There is a shame associated with female sexuality and a double standard, even if it is not stated openly. Men are considered by default to be the sex that wants and is always ready to have sex, in heterosexual couples. When roles are reversed in a relationship, men tend to feel threatened by their female partner’s sexuality and they feel less manly and masculine. Most of the time, they will not want to admit that they feel diminished by the situation, because it would demonstrate their vulnerability which would make them feel even less human.

---

 

---

Women perceive its dynamics in their partners and rather than demonstrate their eroticism, they will lose interest in sexuality. They therefore prefer to protect their partner’s ego and avoid being stigmatized as a nymphomaniac. So, we continue to perpetuate the myth that men are the sex that is in charge of sexuality in our society. But in reality, women’s sexuality has been so repressed for generations that they no longer even recognize their true sexual potential.

This tends to create a couple dynamic where there is one partner with high sexual desire and another with low desire. This generates several conflicts that often arise in spheres other than sexuality. Not all women are more sexual than men, but this is a truth in many relationships that is too often ignored and should be addressed more often.

Typically, when a couple consults a sexologist for differences in the level of sexual desire, it is assumed that the woman is the PFD (Partenaris with the Faible D desire). Most of the time, when this is the case, it’s not because she doesn’t like sex… She doesn’t like sex with her partner. A rather important difference that should not be overlooked. In fact, she finds their sexuality “annoying and boring” because her level of eroticism is often more developed than that of their significant other and she is afraid to show her. Either she avoids being judged by him or she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings by castrating or emasculating him. This dynamic demonstrates a difficulty in being intimate in a relationship where neither partner is willing to face the truth about their sexuality. These self-imposed boundaries on masculinity and femininity create several sexual difficulties that could be avoided if people had a broader view of gender roles.

You will probably be surprised to read that 50% of couples in therapy, the man is the one who is the PFD. In these cases, it is not due to the mediocrity of their sex life as in the case of women, but rather that it is threatened by sexuality and the eroticism of it. When the man realizes that his partner has more sexual desire, initiates more often, is more creative and exudes a more carnal side or a more carnal side.Grrrr!!” In sexuality, they tend to feel less manly. This creates a decrease in desire in the man because he does not feel up to the demands and needs of his partner. They then become demotivated towards sexuality.

Men are educated and perceived as the ones who educate women about their bodies and sexuality. They are the ones who take the initiative and take an active role in sexuality where their desire is met. This makes them feel like competent and proud men. They feel a sense of pride in playing this role, but when they don’t have these things to hold onto, they don’t feel good about themselves.

As an adult, it’s time to grow and become more mature in our sexuality and our ability to be intimate with our partner. Sex should be pleasant, fun, appreciated, shared. When your sex life stops being sexy, it’s time to take the time to question your sexual maturity and manage your shortcomings. If you feel threatened or intimidated by your partner’s eroticism and sexuality, try to perceive it as a challenge to overcome rather than an obstacle to be overcome or avoided. Try to push your personal limits and push yourself as an individual and a partner.

Women should not feel ashamed of sex and ask for what they really want in sexuality. Sexuality is one of the most beautiful and extraordinary ways to share a connection with someone who is dear to us. It is also a very pleasurable activity that allows us to achieve a sense of ecstasy through our bodies and heads. Missing out on this opportunity to protect a partner’s ego or your own is not worth it, considering what you are losing.

Men need to recognize their limits in sexuality and to surpass themselves rather than avoid them. Sex is not a competition or a performance, but a shared activity that requires you to take care of yourself and your partner to enjoy the moment NOT TO IMPRESS A PERSON! Want to know more?

Register for one of the conferences on sexual desire

Learn more about the author

, Francois Renaud, M.A.
Sexologist & Psychotherapist Downtown Montreal